Rising Like a Phoenix: My Story of Loss, Growth, and Transformation
The feeling of living your best life - growing your business, living by the sea, doing the things you once only dreamed of as a child… it’s indescribable... One day you’re almost there…everything feels within reach and then suddenly it all slips away…
You feel alone. Scared. Insecure. Lost.
Everything you thought was your safe place is gone. You’re far from family, and it feels like you can’t trust anyone ever again. But the tears don’t come… instead, you feel numb. Powerless. Weak. Like everything is out of your control, and there’s nowhere to turn for safety.
What you don’t realise in that moment is that this is the day your next better chapter begins.
The Birth of PHOENIX
Phoenix Transformation Gym was rebranded from J-Active in October 2023 - nine months after the day I thought my life had ended. Yes, I know that sounds dramatic… but that’s exactly what a heartbreak feels like, doesn’t it… Let’s skip the painful details.
Phoenix was slowly growing within me, even though I was struggling deeply. I tried to carry on like nothing had changed, but in a small town, where your clients are like family, it’s impossible to hide heartbreak. I started therapy to process the loss, but emotionally, I was stuck in limbo, trying to figure out what was next.
I worked exhausting hours to keep the gym going and to continue helping others, but doing everything alone has its limits. At the same time I was stepping on stages and competing in Bodybuilding shows across UK… Every month, I questioned whether I was on the right path. I was still fighting battles in the background. Thankfully, I had a few incredible friends checking in on me, but I wasn’t ready - I didn’t know how to receive support at the time.
Still, month after month, I kept showing up. I worked hard to give my best to my clients, to be the best version of myself, and to keep smiling… I did pretty well.
On April 3rd, my birthday, I received an email: I had won the Best Fitness Instructor in Devon award. That moment lit me up - proof that all my effort hadn’t gone unnoticed. 2024 became a year of emotional extremes. And then, just a few months later, in June, I made the heartbreaking decision to close Phoenix Transformation Gym.
Letting Go
What do you really feel when you let go of something that once meant the world to you?
Guilt. Shame. Sadness. Anger. Frustration.
And you have to process it all alone - because no one else can fully understand what’s going on in your head and your heart. But my intuition was clear: I had to do this for my own health. As much as I loved helping clients and celebrating their success (and inquiries kept coming!), I was silently struggling with trauma, anxiety, and burnout. I couldn’t switch off, not even for a moment. The pressure was constant, and the financial responsibilities were heavy. Even the thought of taking a break filled me with panic.
But this wasn’t just about burnout. Deep down, I knew that my mission in the South Hams had been fulfilled. Since moving to Devon in 2019, I’d poured everything I had into building J-Active and later Phoenix Transformation Gym. I made an impact on the community, created real change, and gave people the best of me. I can honestly say - I did my absolute best.
After months of reflection and back-and-forth, the truth became undeniable. The lease was up. I had to choose: renew it or close this chapter.
The Goodbye
Telling my clients what was happening and why was incredibly painful. I cried more times than I can count. I felt like I was letting them down… but I also knew that I had to honour myself, too. In September 2024, the doors of Phoenix Transformation Gym closed.
The memories, the impact, the energy - it was all so special. But I found myself feeling numb again. So I went back to Poland to visit my mum… Seriously… I never imagined I would need her so much… after turning 30!
That trip changed something in me. I stayed almost three weeks. I detoxed from social media. I rested. I healed. For the first time in a long time, I felt safe…
Learning to Let Go of Ego
It all sounds positive and it was but I still struggled with feelings of failure. I had built something beautiful… and then I chose to close it. That narrative haunted me. But I had to keep reminding myself: I made that decision for my health. I chose to walk away while I was still on top. That’s not failure - that’s power! Yes, my ego tried to step in. But I’ve learned to tell it: F**k off…😊
I’m still the same passionate, knowledgeable, and inspiring trainer and coach I’ve always been. I still help people transform physically and mentally because that’s my LIFE MISSION. Owning a gym doesn’t define me. My heart, my intention, and the impact I create… that’s what defines me.
The Journey Continues
There have been so many highs and lows along the way. I’m good at showing up with a smile and making it look easy but it wasn’t. People often ask, “Would you open a gym again?” If I did, I’d do it differently! The lessons I’ve learned: about business, about people, about myself… are priceless.
The doors of the physical gym may have closed in 2024 but Phoenix Transformation lives on… It’s a brand I’m incredibly proud of. The brand that represents POWER, CONFIDENCE and GROWTH and I can proudly say that everyone working with me is a prof of it! Because the PHOENIX ALWAYS RISES… no matter how much it burns down, it comes back to life.
STRONGER.BRIGHTER.WISER.
My greatest achievement isn’t building a gym but it’s mastering my own mindset. I’ve learned to find lessons in every challenge I face in life. I’ve learned that fear no longer has control over me. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand it at the time.
Because at the end of the day, we can: start again, change the path we are on and RISE FROM THE ASHES… just like a Phoenix!
Thank you for your support! I am always here to hear, support and have a conversation so if you want to share your thoughts with me or want me to write about something else, please get in touch!
Love, J x